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As the work he was now contemplating is, of
all works, the most momentous and excellent in
which a mortal can engage, and which no one, who
has a just impression of its nature and consequences, will lightly think of undertaking — the solicitude, humility, and pious zeal, wherewith he
sought to know what the Lord would have him to
do in reference to it, the reader probably would
like to have fully exhibited. — The narrative cannot
fail of being perused with interest, and it will show
clearly, that the resolution to which he ultimately
came, was the result of a solemn conviction of
duty, and a sincere desire to promote the glory of
God.
"But," he goes on to say in continuation, "this
was only a secondary objection: my principal difficulty arose from another source. As the servant
of Christ, I did not dare to engage in any profession or service without being first convinced that it
was agreeably to the will of my Divine Master; nor
could I form any determination until I had obtained
his permission. The duties and office of the
ministry of the Gospel especially, opened with
such magnitude and high responsibility to my view,
that I feared I was wholly unequal, and altogether
unworthy of being employed in the sanctuary. I
supposed it would be presumption in me to engage
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in this holy work; and the words, Isa. i. 12. Who
hath required this at your hand to tread my courts,
were awful and impressive."
"Convinced of the propriety and duty of acknowledging the Lord in all my ways, and particularly
in a step of such importance, and believing, that
according to his promise, he would direct my paths,
I often prayed most fervently to obtain light and
direction in this interesting object. Sometimes
encouraged to hope that I might proceed, and again
cast down and desponding, I resolved to set apart
a day, with fasting and prayer, to pour out my heart
before the Lord, and plead for his instruction.
Upon this solemn occasion, after fervent supplications, reading the word, and serious meditation, I
endeavoured to arrange the subject; and the better
to understand it, in all its bearings, I committed
to writing in one column, all the arguments in favour,
and in another, all those against it. These I maturely compared and disinterestedly pondered.
Especially, I endeavoured most accurately to examine my motives and ascertain the end I proposed,
if I ever should enter into the ministry. I found
in this scrutiny, and was sure there was no deception, that I was solely prompted by a zeal to
promote the glory of my Divine Redeemer — by
an ardent love for the souls of men, and a desire to
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